How to Pick a Leader – And the True Meaning of Passion

I recently had the privilege of attending a leadership session with Ray White’s highly successful and long-standing business owner, Brett Graham.

At one point, he was asked a simple question:

“What should you look for in a potential leader?”

His answer was immediate. Instinctive. Unpolished.

“Look for someone who is prepared to hurt as much as you did.”

Not charisma.
Not communication skills.

Hurt.

Leadership is a Threshold.

The modern world often frames leadership as influence, visibility, or authority.

But when pressure rises – when targets are missed, when complaints stack up, when the weight of responsibility lands squarely on your shoulders – leadership reveals itself differently.

It becomes about:

Who absorbs pressure.
Who carries the load.
Who stands up when it would be easier to shrink back.

That is not about ego.

That is about ownership.

The Meaning of “Passion”

The word passion comes from the Latin passio, meaning “to suffer” or “to endure.”
It derives from pati – “to undergo, to bear, to endure.”

Historically, the term was associated with suffering before it was associated with enthusiasm.

So when someone says they are “passionate” about leadership, the deeper question is:

Are they prepared to endure for it?

Because real leadership requires cost.

The Grit Metric

Angela Duckworth, in her research on grit, defines it as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals.”
Her longitudinal studies at the University of Pennsylvania found that sustained commitment – not raw talent – predicted achievement across demanding environments.

Grit is not intensity.
It is endurance.

Jim Collins, in Good to Great, identified what he called “Level 5 Leaders.”

They were marked by personal humility and fierce resolve.

Not ego.
Not spotlight.

Resolve.

The willingness to take responsibility when things go wrong – and give credit when they go right.

And Simon Sinek often frames leadership as the willingness to sacrifice personal gain for the good of the group.

Across research and practice, the pattern is consistent:

Leadership is measured by what you are willing to endure for the mission.

In High Performance Environments

In elite sport, in business, in real estate – the pressure compounds.

Deadlines.
Expectations.
Accountability.

If someone wants the status of leadership but avoids the strain of it, the gap eventually shows.

The best leaders I’ve seen:

Keep turning up.
Defend the culture.
Do what needs to be done without announcing it.
Stay late without needing anyone to notice.
Carry disappointment without broadcasting it.

They hurt for the standard.

Not because they enjoy pain – but because the purpose matters more than comfort.

The Filter

If you are choosing a leader – or developing one – here is the filter:

Do they carry responsibility without being chased?
Do they absorb pressure rather than transfer it?
Are they driven by a purpose larger than the title?
When things get hard, do they lean in or step back?

Because eventually, leadership costs.

And the question is not:

“Are they capable?”

It is:

Are they willing to endure?

Final Thought

In high performance culture, leadership is not about how loud someone is when things are easy.

It is about how steady they are when things hurt.

If they are prepared to hurt for the mission –
to endure for the standard –
to sacrifice for the team –

You may have found your leader.

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Loyal to the Soil. Cultural Currency – the Dana White Way.